NETWORK: @peach0341 (anonymous) [post soujuurou's wild ride]
What would you consider the most unforgivable thing that a person could do to you? Something that someone could do, that they could never take back?
If it has been done to you, what happened? How did you treat that person afterward, if you kept in contact with them? If you didn't, do you regret ever severing off from them?
Have you done anything unforgivable? How did people respond to that--did they let you get a word in edge-wise to explain, or did they abandon you? Did you have to find your own way afterwards? How did it go for you, if so?
Do you think there's anything that one can do to earn forgiveness, depending on the severity of what happened? Do they deserve it? Does it depend? And is there a certain point that someone's allowed to give up on trying to find it, and should just stop trying to be good?
I'm curious as to what everyone's answers will be. Please don't give anymore info than you're comfortable with; these are just things that have been on my mind, lately. And please don't be rude to each other.
[this seems. infinitely more like a stream of conscious than anything actually coherent, but there's at least an attempt at maintaining some modicum of privacy. have at. be it on main or giving yourself a nice plurk-style anon-name, go for it.]
If it has been done to you, what happened? How did you treat that person afterward, if you kept in contact with them? If you didn't, do you regret ever severing off from them?
Have you done anything unforgivable? How did people respond to that--did they let you get a word in edge-wise to explain, or did they abandon you? Did you have to find your own way afterwards? How did it go for you, if so?
Do you think there's anything that one can do to earn forgiveness, depending on the severity of what happened? Do they deserve it? Does it depend? And is there a certain point that someone's allowed to give up on trying to find it, and should just stop trying to be good?
I'm curious as to what everyone's answers will be. Please don't give anymore info than you're comfortable with; these are just things that have been on my mind, lately. And please don't be rude to each other.
[this seems. infinitely more like a stream of conscious than anything actually coherent, but there's at least an attempt at maintaining some modicum of privacy. have at. be it on main or giving yourself a nice plurk-style anon-name, go for it.]

cw continued
I didn't think experiences like that were so universal.
[--And that's out onto the page before she can stop it, and she scrambles to write a second message--]
I'm sorry, that was disrespectful and I don't know why it posted like that?! Please just ignore that. Ugh.
But no, that's...I had a family member who was quite similar, so I get it. Worked long hours, wasn't around, and I had to learn to cook for myself because the few times he tried, he was utterly abysmal at it. He wasn't even passionate about his work or anything. He was like a puppet that his boss had the strings to.
What your father did to you...it's horrible. There's no way around it, and I can imagine why that would leave you with complicated feelings. The fact that he would have killed everyone including you to see his dream fulfilled is awful, even if he may have loved you at the end of it all.
...I'm sorry you'll never get those answers, Cheese. To be left with a burden like that, it's terrible--and I hope putting it to text was at least a little cathartic for you.
Is there anything you would have wanted to say to him? I don't know if it'll help, but you can yell into here, if you want.
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Nah it's okay. I'm thinking the same thing after reading all of this. I'm sorry your dad(?) wasn't there for you either. I guess the only consolation is that he TRIED.
There's a lot I would've said to him tbh. I might sound dumb for it but I probably would've forgiven him if he apologized and came back home for good or at least tried to be a real dad. That's all I ever wanted.
But no I just had to learn how proud of me he was from what he left behind when he never said it to me himself. What am I supposed to DO with that?
no subject
But know that I do appreciate it.
[She'll sidestep that, though, in favor of talking about the rest of that.]
I don't think you sound dumb at all, actually. It sounds like all you ever wanted was for someone to care about you, genuinely, because you've never had that growing up. And who could blame you for wanting at least that? I think everyone wants to be loved. Everyone deserves to know that someone cared for them, and deserves a real parent who tries for them. Some people honestly shouldn't even be parents, but--that's getting off topic.
...As for your question, that's honestly a very good one. It sounds like he let his passion consume you whole, even if he may very well have loved you dearly. But I...I'm not going to pass judgement, but you sure can't be blamed for being confused. Or angry with him.
You shouldn't have been made to pick up the pieces of your dad's big mistakes. If he wanted to show he cared for you, he should've been a good dad to you. That's what I think.
no subject
[The rest feels weird and difficult to read through, but also kind of nice. He's talked about this with his friends back home, but they never had much to say about it beyond the expected condolences. He appreciated those, of course, but this feels so much more personal. It's coming from someone who's been in a similar place.]
Man. It feels like I'm being read like a book. I'm starting to get some of that now at least...so it's not all bad. Like, I've got friends that care about me now. And one of them has a really nice mom. I'm always a little jealous whenever I go to her house.
Sounds like we really have a lot in common though. I kinda wish this wasn't anon.
no subject
[It's...strange to read all of this, though. Sayaka's always been good at reading people, but it feels strange to hit the mark so clearly. She's not sure what the feeling is, but it feels...icy, almost. She's not sure if she likes it.
But she persists nonetheless.]
It's okay. I don't know if you'd want to meet somewhere public to talk more, in case you're worried about being in danger, but...I wouldn't mind talking to you more, if you're amendable. Would you like that, Cheese?
Because I totally get that. I've...never been to one of my friend's houses before, but I was always jealous of their parents when I saw them, too. It felt like they really loved them, and like they weren't an obligation.
no subject
[A smile emoji feels wrong given the topic of discussion, but he wasn't sure how else to get across how appreciative he is.]
It's not really a danger thing. It just feels kinda weird to say all this personal stuff and then let everyone know it was me. IDK I don't want people to look at me differently or worry about me. But some of you really get it. (And it sucks that you do obviously but you know what I mean.)
But you sound like you're willing to take the leap. So maybe it won't be so bad.
Obligation. Man. I hadn't thought of it like that but now that you've said it it fits so well. That's exactly what it felt like, huh?
@shslidol
She hopes she brought this anon some form of comfort, because it sounds like it was well needed.]
I get it. All of it, at least I think. It does feel weird to be seen so clearly, and I get not wanting to worry people. Everyone has enough worries going in their own lives, and it wouldn't be nice to be like...pitied, for everything. Or to be seen for only that. Sometimes all you need is to be seen as you truly are, I guess?
I'm not sure if it's the same for you as it is for me, but I would be willing to take that leap.
But yeah. It really does. That their love was just something that was being performed because you're flesh and blood, and now their responsibility.
[A second post gets send, seconds after, with the anon off.]
If you ever do want to take that leap, though, feel free to contact me. I'll be here.
@apple6281
You aren't dumb for that. It just means you love him still, for all that it hurts. It's up to you what you do with the love that remains, now.
no subject
Thanks, apple. For what it's worth I'm sorry your mom mistreated you.
(Why are there so many of us in the same spot? Is Braphine trying to say something??)
I guess I'm still in that figuring out stage when it comes to him. I just wish I could ask him why he put his goals above his own son.
no subject
All I can say is... Take your time and think things through. Thats all you can do.
It's okay if your opinions change, and change again. People are like seasons, after all. And it's okay if you can't figure it out right now. It's a hard subject.
Just be kind to yourself. Don't believe you have to do anything that would hurt you more.
Also Braphine is absolutely saying something. But I can't say that I hate it, exactly.
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Yeah...it's weirdly nice? It sucks to know that this is so common, but it's also nice to know you're not alone. This isn't something I can really talk with my friends back home about. They've got parents who are there for them, even if they can be a little overbearing with their love. Can't help but wish I knew what that's like, though.
cw allusions to theoretical physical abuse just in case
My close friends all understand in their own ways. But at school, I don't think anyone would believe me. I always thought I didn't have anything to complain about, since it's not like... she left a mark. I'm realizing otherwise now, though.
But I also understand that longing. When I see mothers who act the way I wish she'd acted, it hurts.
cw continued
Right?? I try not to complain about it when I'm around them because I know that's not fair to them but it's hard sometimes. Maybe it'll get easier when I get older. IDK.
no subject