linkingup | NETWORK: @peach0341 (anonymous) [post soujuurou's wild ride]

What would you consider the most unforgivable thing that a person could do to you? Something that someone could do, that they could never take back?

If it has been done to you, what happened? How did you treat that person afterward, if you kept in contact with them? If you didn't, do you regret ever severing off from them?

Have you done anything unforgivable? How did people respond to that--did they let you get a word in edge-wise to explain, or did they abandon you? Did you have to find your own way afterwards? How did it go for you, if so?

Do you think there's anything that one can do to earn forgiveness, depending on the severity of what happened? Do they deserve it? Does it depend? And is there a certain point that someone's allowed to give up on trying to find it, and should just stop trying to be good?

I'm curious as to what everyone's answers will be. Please don't give anymore info than you're comfortable with; these are just things that have been on my mind, lately. And please don't be rude to each other.

[this seems. infinitely more like a stream of conscious than anything actually coherent, but there's at least an attempt at maintaining some modicum of privacy. have at. be it on main or giving yourself a nice plurk-style anon-name, go for it.]

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[stares at this long list of anons……… no wonder honesty week was so unpopular huh]

anything some shithead tries with me won’t ever compare to a group of psychos murdering my friends in cold blood. even if they went on their knees and begged for forgiveness till they were blue in the face, they’ve done enough crap to other people that I’d tell them to cram it up their ass.

besides, if someone’s got so much time on their hands they’re pissing it away by thinking of people’s forgiveness, they oughta use it on figuring out where they went wrong so they can set things right.

[...It's harsh, but Sayaka can at least see where's it's coming from. It's why she doesn't really rise to the second part of that, but...]

...I'm not sure what to say in regards to that first bit that won't possibly come off as potentially demeaning or offensive. I could tell you that they didn't deserve that--you didn't deserve that, and it would feel more insulting than anything. But I think you're very in the right to never forgive them. I hope you're able to get some kind of vengeance, at least.

As for the rest...I do know what went wrong, and I died for it. I shouldn't even be here to pick up any sort of pieces. The only thing I managed to do was clear a friend's name, and even that I don't know if I did right.

I don't understand the world, and wanted to understand it through someone else's eyes, bluntly put. I don't know where to start, and if I even can. I don't really even deserve it, but I wanted to at least try.

didn't mention all that because I wanted sympathy, so you can say whatever you want. but you bet your ass I'm not letting them get away with this or anything else, even if I have to kill them myself.

[There's a pause before this second part is sent.]

then that's already a lot more than those asswipes I was dealing with. not much more you can do for them if you're dead, anyway. but if you're mulling over this because you can't forgive yourself, then that's a different story.

look, I know jack shit about what you did, so I'm not going to tell you if you deserve it or not. but if you got a second chance out of some goddess' miracle or whatever, then it's your choice what to do with your life. if you want to try, then keep trying. same if you want to give up.

[Sayaka listens and considers this all. It's...actually kind of nice to read all of this, but in a way, it makes her want to open up a little more. It makes her fear it too--sharing the story once was anxiety inducing and it took her over a month to actually reveal a part of it. How can she do more now? When she's barely confronted it?]

...I don't know where to start. And that feels so pathetic to say.

It feels like discarding everything I know and starting from scratch, if I go the way I want to. It feels unearned and like I haven't learned. I don't want to go back to being the person I was before this.

...I feared rejection and loneliness so badly that I pushed so many people under the bus to keep the only thing that I actually had--a career. And I got so wound up at the sight of my "friends"--I don't even know if I can call them that now, but they were the closest things I had to it--that I tried to play the game that some stupid, robotic bear set up and tried to kill someone and frame another person for it.

[That is the broadest, least sympathetic strokes she can get out. But he did ask, and she's...trying. She's trying so damn hard.]

I want to do something, be something different, but I...is it really so easy as just. Deciding these things? Deciding to do different, even with everything hanging over your head?

[Maybe he shouldn't be cutting this person any slack considering someone else on this post admitted rather blatantly to murdering their friend. Even so, asking about forgiveness and saying that starting anew feels unearned -- it feels more like they're treating it like a mistake rather than something inevitable, which is a far cry from the other poster.

Of course, actions always speak louder than words, but this is at least enough for him to give them the benefit of a doubt.]

just because it's a second chance doesn't mean you get to forget everything and pretend shit never happened. that's just something you're gonna have to come to grips with. but if you really want to change yourself, then take it as a lesson in what not to do next time.

how hard or easy it's going to be is up to you. but no one's saying you have to decide right now. if you want to nose around and figure out what your options are, then go ahead and do that.

anyway, I'm not here to lecture you over what you did. besides, it sounds like you already get why what you did was messed up in the first place. and if we're being honest, it's not like I haven't almost killed a few guys myself, but the only price I paid was getting my ass beat six ways to Sunday.

I wouldn't expect that. Those who make a mistake like that...they should never be allowed to forget it them. Forgetting them would get rid of the whole point of learning from that mistake.

[So believe her, if nothing else. She absolutely understands. The rest of it she mulls over for a bit, but...

The second part of it is sent unanon.]

...I'm not sure where the end of my road will lead me, but I do want to do better than what I have done, I think. Even if the rest is up in the air. I'm...not scared of it though, at least I think.

Thank you. And um.

Sorry, for all of this.

[He blinks at the screen where he is, because the sudden switch off anon does surprise him, especially considering who it ends up being. Well, it's not as if he doesn't expect a number of them to have skeletons in their closets, but it definitely happens to be a 'huh' moment for him.

In any case, actions ultimately speak louder than words, but it is a bit much to expect someone to change themselves overnight. He is willing to take her words as sincere though, so there's that.]

the hell are you apologizing for? I'm the one who decided to stick his nose in and respond.

anyway, I'll pass on giving any cheesy friendship speeches, but I'd bet you mira there's enough softies around here that they'd give you a hand with whatever you're grappling with as long as you ask. not like we don't get a bunch of people running in and trying to help the moment they catch a whiff of danger.

[he says, like he isn't one of those people but shush.]

NETWORK: @peach0341 (anonymous) [post soujuurou's wild ride]

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