NETWORK: @peach0341 (anonymous) [post soujuurou's wild ride]

[destage]

What would you consider the most unforgivable thing that a person could do to you? Something that someone could do, that they could never take back?

If it has been done to you, what happened? How did you treat that person afterward, if you kept in contact with them? If you didn't, do you regret ever severing off from them?

Have you done anything unforgivable? How did people respond to that--did they let you get a word in edge-wise to explain, or did they abandon you? Did you have to find your own way afterwards? How did it go for you, if so?

Do you think there's anything that one can do to earn forgiveness, depending on the severity of what happened? Do they deserve it? Does it depend? And is there a certain point that someone's allowed to give up on trying to find it, and should just stop trying to be good?

I'm curious as to what everyone's answers will be. Please don't give anymore info than you're comfortable with; these are just things that have been on my mind, lately. And please don't be rude to each other.

[this seems. infinitely more like a stream of conscious than anything actually coherent, but there's at least an attempt at maintaining some modicum of privacy. have at. be it on main or giving yourself a nice plurk-style anon-name, go for it.]

Comments

[destage]

[Sayaka reads through all of that dutifully and carefully. It's something she can understand all too well--crushed down into nothingness, until you're naught but the person the world wants you to be. Sanded down until there's nothing left. Finding solace in the terrible people here, to an extent...]

You don't have to forgive anyone you don't want to, Apple. And there's nothing wrong with finding solace in people who have done...terrible things. But your forgiveness should be yours to carry out and yours alone, and if anyone else wants to forgive her for whatever reason...you still don't have to.

I think I understand what you mean, to an extent. I...my emotions are so sanded down that I think it's all a performance sometimes, but there are a lot of deciding factors at play. So I get the basics. I think.

...For what it's worth, Apple, I think you did a very good job of wording your opinions. If it's okay for me to ask...what do you mean by the strength in one's heart?

[beathollow]

I understand. I no longer know what I want in life, what I like and don't like, all because I lived for her and the fear of disappointing her even a moment was suffocating. The very notion of doing anything for myself was forbidden.

People keep calling me strong. That I'm strong for enduring, and continuing, and living.

I don't feel like it. I feel brittle and frail, like pieces are already gone. And now that I know for sure that she'll never apologize, I know I can never forgive her. For all that people say I'm strong, I'm not strong enough for that.

The people who others here have mentioned, who understand and forgive, are. That's all.

[destage]

[...It's like looking into a mirror. A very fucked up one, but one nonetheless. How could anyone break someone down so thoroughly?

Sayaka only wonders it briefly, but no. She understands well. A fear of disappointing others and living up to impossible expectations day in and day out, to the point that you're barely even human.]

...What that woman did to you was unforgivable. It sounds like you haven't even been able or allowed to be a human being, and that's hideous. Awful.

I think what a lot of people see as strength in that kind of situation is just...a survival mechanism. I don't know if it would be right to call it that, so I hope I'm not being rude in doing so. But...I can see where it would hurt more. To have people think of you as this bastion of strength, when you yourself are so close to a breaking point.

You don't have to forgive her. It doesn't determine whether you're strong or not. I can promise you that, at least.

...Apple, this might sound like a silly question, but...how bound are you, to the place where you live? Do you absolutely have to go back at the end of this?

[beathollow]

I

I live with her currently. Dad isn't home a lot, so it's just us most of the time. I'm in my last year of high school, but I can't see any way out- every waking moment is devoted to what she wants, so any deviation to try and set up an escape would be found out immediately. I can't even open my window for fresh air without her checking on me immediately.

Just before we came here, we had a fight though. I remember feeling as if I needed to get out or I never would be able to, so I ran out into the storm. I was trying to get to my friend's house... I don't know what I was going to do after that.

[destage]

[...This poor Apple. Sayaka reads everything over, carefully and kindly, and...]

...I don't know if it'll be feasible for you, but I want to bring up a possibility that a friend of mine has before. That I may end up taking him up on, myself.

Do you think that anyone here would be willing to take you back to their world?

I imagine it wouldn't be easy. And it sounds like you have a fair amount that you'd end up leaving behind, if you did make this decision.

But you deserve to be free. You deserve to get out of that horrible environment, away from that woman, and able to finally recover. To decide a path in life for yourself, to be able to live at ease for once.

...I'm so sorry, Apple. That's a terrifying situation to be in, and you deserve so much better.