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NETWORK: @peach0341 (anonymous) [post soujuurou's wild ride]
What would you consider the most unforgivable thing that a person could do to you? Something that someone could do, that they could never take back?
If it has been done to you, what happened? How did you treat that person afterward, if you kept in contact with them? If you didn't, do you regret ever severing off from them?
Have you done anything unforgivable? How did people respond to that--did they let you get a word in edge-wise to explain, or did they abandon you? Did you have to find your own way afterwards? How did it go for you, if so?
Do you think there's anything that one can do to earn forgiveness, depending on the severity of what happened? Do they deserve it? Does it depend? And is there a certain point that someone's allowed to give up on trying to find it, and should just stop trying to be good?
I'm curious as to what everyone's answers will be. Please don't give anymore info than you're comfortable with; these are just things that have been on my mind, lately. And please don't be rude to each other.
[this seems. infinitely more like a stream of conscious than anything actually coherent, but there's at least an attempt at maintaining some modicum of privacy. have at. be it on main or giving yourself a nice plurk-style anon-name, go for it.]
If it has been done to you, what happened? How did you treat that person afterward, if you kept in contact with them? If you didn't, do you regret ever severing off from them?
Have you done anything unforgivable? How did people respond to that--did they let you get a word in edge-wise to explain, or did they abandon you? Did you have to find your own way afterwards? How did it go for you, if so?
Do you think there's anything that one can do to earn forgiveness, depending on the severity of what happened? Do they deserve it? Does it depend? And is there a certain point that someone's allowed to give up on trying to find it, and should just stop trying to be good?
I'm curious as to what everyone's answers will be. Please don't give anymore info than you're comfortable with; these are just things that have been on my mind, lately. And please don't be rude to each other.
[this seems. infinitely more like a stream of conscious than anything actually coherent, but there's at least an attempt at maintaining some modicum of privacy. have at. be it on main or giving yourself a nice plurk-style anon-name, go for it.]
cw: neglect
Please don't misunderstand; I'm mostly asking this for the sake of learning the perspective of others. It's something I really don't understand. The work I did, it's ensured that I really can't feel anything. Or at the very least there feels like there's a gap, because I'm so used to faking things.
At any rate, it sounds like you've lived a long life of doing and receiving those actions and accepted them. I take it you wouldn't change anything you did, considering it saved your life and got your revenge on someone?
[There's a pause, between that going out and the next bit.]
I don't know. I think that all that being good has done has managed to screw me up irreparably. I spent my whole life chasing it, because I couldn't understand the world around me and why I got left behind by almost everyone. I spent a long time trying to be 'good', putting my effort towards it, and in the end I hurt a lot of people to try and find someone who might care.
If I had to seek forgiveness from the people I hurt, I'd be looking at seeking the forgiveness of at least forty people, at minimum. At maximum, well over one hundred million of them.
I don't think one moves forward from that.
no subject
Well, I hope we help you figure it out, peach.
And as for me, you're correct, I wouldn't change a thing. In my current age, I might consider not taking revenge and inflicting those unforgivable acts, but... I cannot say for certain. If I was forced back into that moment as I am now, today, I might even do something worse.
...And yet, that something worse would be better for some others. Ah, the complexities of terrible acts.
[And then after that pause-]
One can move forward from anything. So long as life fills your body, you can move forward. It might be difficult, but it is possible.
Because if 'being good' has not served you well, then there's no reason to continue trying, is there? Maybe you're genuinely good in your soul, and you'll find it when you stop looking for it. And maybe you're not. What does it matter to you if you've hurt others if that ends up being the case? And if you are good, as you've tried so hard to be, then simply living your life with a more natural affect will bring people closer to you than any amount of false effort you've put in so far.
If seeking forgiveness is too much from forty, or from one hundred million, or from any number in between, then don't. Move on. Forgiveness is as much for the giver anyway, and no matter how much you hurt yourself in your begging, not everyone is going to find it in them to forgive. And you have to move forward regardless.
Steel yourself from resentment and you can do anything.
1/2
Sayaka reads through that text over, and over, and over again. There's parts she wonders if are chiding, but the rest of it--it's encouraging. It's...strangely comforting, in a way, to feel like someone has come close to understanding her, even with firm barriers between her identity and theirs. It's...
Strange, to be seen so clearly, and yet obscured.]
...You're far too kind. I promise I don't mean this as an insult to you, but--
@shslidol, 2/2
Let the person see her for all she is, then. Not that she's certain it'll matter, but...]
You sound like you've lived quite the fulfilling life. That you're able to approach all of this and speak so candidly about it...I hope it doesn't sound rude, but I do envy you a little. That you can live so freely, without even a bit of care in the world it seems. Though I imagine that's not the case entirely, right?
I never thought that I would be allowed to. The Goddess decided to bring me, a dead girl, here to this place and I will probably never understand it. But...
...Maybe you do have a point, about pursuing this being...I don't want to call it a waste, but I don't even know what I'm doing at this point, if I can be frank with you. I've been trying to be this perfect person to cope with the fact that I have no idea what to do with this life and second chance I've been given, and I don't know who I want to be, at the end of it all.
But...I think you have helped me realize, that all I'm doing is...I'm basically just trying to fill a sinkhole with a little pail and shovel, at this point. And that isn't sustainable, is it?
...I don't know where to go from here, or what I want to do. I've never had this much freedom before, but I...thank you. I guess. Is what I want to say.
...I'd like to talk to you more, if you're ever amendable.
1/2
And I do not take anything you've said as an insult. How could I, when you're speaking so candidly?
[Even once she's gone off-anon, she's allowing herself to be honest. That seems like a big step.]
I like to think I am living a fulfilling life, without a care in the world, but you are correct. No one is free from things which may weigh upon them from time to time. I simply elect to ignore such things whenever I am able.
[We compartmentalize in this house, baybee--]
It sounds as though the goddess gave you a second chance. That is something I, too, am familiar with, in my own way. What you do with that second chance is up to you, but that carefree life you say you envy, I only gained in this second chance of mine. You are more than capable of seizing your own future as well.
You don't have to be perfect. No one is perfect. All you will do is exhaust yourself for the effort if you try.
And you are very welcome, Sayaka.
[Continued here!]