NETWORK: @peach0341 (anonymous) [post soujuurou's wild ride]

[destage]

What would you consider the most unforgivable thing that a person could do to you? Something that someone could do, that they could never take back?

If it has been done to you, what happened? How did you treat that person afterward, if you kept in contact with them? If you didn't, do you regret ever severing off from them?

Have you done anything unforgivable? How did people respond to that--did they let you get a word in edge-wise to explain, or did they abandon you? Did you have to find your own way afterwards? How did it go for you, if so?

Do you think there's anything that one can do to earn forgiveness, depending on the severity of what happened? Do they deserve it? Does it depend? And is there a certain point that someone's allowed to give up on trying to find it, and should just stop trying to be good?

I'm curious as to what everyone's answers will be. Please don't give anymore info than you're comfortable with; these are just things that have been on my mind, lately. And please don't be rude to each other.

[this seems. infinitely more like a stream of conscious than anything actually coherent, but there's at least an attempt at maintaining some modicum of privacy. have at. be it on main or giving yourself a nice plurk-style anon-name, go for it.]

Comments

@doll6372

[prozaic]

Are you seeking opinions, or anecdotes? Because, truthfully, the severity of such things are always dependent on the person who has been wronged, and even then, they have to decide if there was any wrongdoing to forgive.

For example, you have a dear friend who remembers next to nothing of your childhood together, of growing up under people who demanded the very best out of you or else you would be discarded, a real threat. As adults, your dear friend is aware that something happened to both of you as children, but not the specifics, and seeks the answers to all their questions by retracing both your steps, ending up in mortal danger a number of times due to the path they have been following. On the other hand, you have all of your memories, but you hold your tongue because you know that if you tell them, they would chase your shared past and likely end up stirring up a horror that neither of you are capable of dealing with. Thus, you watch them hurt themselves while you hold revelations but more suffering in your hands.

Like this little story, the answers to your questions have far more nuance than you may be seeking. One of the best answers I can give, truly, is to "be in that situation, and decide the answer for yourself in that exact moment".

[destage]

Both are fine. Whatever anyone is comfortable giving me, I'll take. I want to understand everything better. And that means getting the perspective of others around me, right? Even if I can't understand them.

What you're talking about sounds similar to a place I went into, thinking that it would be an escape into a better life. It wasn't, but it wasn't nearly as...well, dire of a situation as what happened with you and your friend. It sounds like ignorance was truly bliss for them, up until they tried to find out what actually happened.

I'm not going to pass judgement either way, but shielding your friend from that, or at least trying to...I think that would be considered a kind thing. Maybe. I can't say I know very well. I take it you don't know of a way to convince them to stop hurting themself in pursuit of this, or have tried. I won't pry, but...it's a curious situation.

I appreciate it, though. I don't think I can trust my own judgement in these kinds of situations, though. It's never gone well. But I appreciate your perspective.

[prozaic]

Can't trust your own judgement, you say? Any particular reason why? You lack experience with emotion and interaction in general?

[destage]

...Sort of. It's kind of a long, stupid story, but...

I've spent a lot of time trying to stuff down my own feelings to better adapt to life around me. Trying to be a perfect kid for my father, so he didn't have to deal with me on top of his growing workload. And trying to be a perfect...employee is probably the best way to put it, for people who only existed to monopolize my time and who could ruin me in an instant. Though it didn't start like that.

I'm used to stuffing down what and how I feel. I'm not even entirely sure that any feelings I have are genuine, if I can be honest. But I don't have a lot of experience with such things in general; I wasn't ever really allowed to.

[prozaic]

Then, if I may make an audacious comment: Asking strangers shall not find you an answer for this, nor anything else in the way of learning your feelings, your reactions, and yourself in general.

You must experience them yourself first, then ask what you should do in the future should your reactions be something drastic.

[destage]

...Then how does one let themself actually experience it, without anxiety getting in the way? Do you just...literally let yourselves express something without thinking about how it'll look?

[i'm. i am so sorry for her?]

I promise I'm not trying to be obstinate. I would love to do this and to try and let myself feel things but I don't know how to...undo all of the thinking that goes into that.

...Is it really just as simple as not thinking about it?

[prozaic]

It is really just as simple, in your own words, "let yourselves express something without thinking about how it'll look". "Is it really just as simple as not thinking about it". Yes. Yes it is.

Ignore all people for a moment, you're too focused on them and your image, but in the end, a momentary disruption to their daily routine is nothing.

If I may, from all your comments, you sound quite young. In the event that you're an adult, you're sheltered enough to come off as quite young. How do children learn? Partly from being taught, and partly from experiencing. This is one of those things that you must experience for yourself.

[destage]

[...

Man, it's her who's usually perceives people, this feels so damn strange.]

...15. So you're definitely right about that. I've never really had any good teachers in my life, and it's just...strange, I guess. To think and feel without considering every angle or ramification.

I appreciate your advice, though. And um. I'm sorry. I hope I didn't sound frustrating, or anything like that.

But I...think I will give that a try, then.

[prozaic]

You have your age as a shield. People expect an outburst every so often from younger people, especially teenagers, because you're at the age where you're learning who you are. You're trying to carve out an identity for yourself, or at least the beginnings of one so that you're not floundering when you come of age.

By extension, all your questions are quite normal for someone of your age.

[destage]

...That's actually really assuring. The only thing I've really had to go off of are my peers who seemed to have everything all put together, and the standard I was supposed to set. This is...

It means a lot to hear that.

...Thank you again. I appreciate this advice, and I'm going to try and see if it works out.