断ち切るしかないんだろ 注いだ冬は心のラビリンス 後戻りなんて出来ないから やりきるしかないんだろ 黒い気持ちと手を繋いだって構わない 抱きしめたっていいhI have to break free This pouring winter is my heart's labyrinth I can't go back anymore, so I have to finish this I don't care if you took my hand with dark motives I want you to hold me close
No, the protagonist has ever been someone else, someone irrelevant to us. [Shalem sits down on the floor next to Haruka, tail wrapping around his human's ankle.]
In that little paradise, everyone saw me as someone I was not-- the immersion was broken because of that. It set my teeth on edge, the way even a fantasy cannot accommodate who I am now.
I was missing... someone who knows me as me, and accepts me for who I am. [Then he tilts his head as he looks at Haruka.] Who do you think that is? I'm sure you need no hints.
[Maybe it's because Haruka still hasn't healed his injuries, but he doesn't protest the closeness or try to pull off any shenanigans.
He rests his head against his shoulder.]
Maybe accepting someone else is a good start to accepting yourself.
[He knows the answer, even if it's hard to accept that it could be him. But... maybe it is. Maybe being himself is all he ever needed to be, even if he's not always good or perfect.]
Tragedies aren't my fave, though. I'd rather join you for something more exciting.
There are more stories out there for us. [But first, Shalem needs to get Haruka out of here... and Shadows can't exist in the real world, even if strange things are happening out there right now. He needs Haruka either as he was, or whole.
He wraps his arm around Haruka's shoulders, rubbing circles with his thumb.]
What would make you happy?
[He's not asking about what sort of story Haruka wants. He's asking for so, so much more than that.]
[That should be a simple question, but Haruka hesitates to answer.]
...I don't know.
[He's been asked, before, if he had plans for the future beyond ŹOOĻ, and he had been unable to answer. He had been so obsessed with his own hurt he couldn't see that far ahead, and even now he doesn't know what he wants for himself.
Neither the Shadow or Haruka himself really have an answer, but it feels more like the answer is coming from the real, whole Haruka than all of his pain and selfishness answering for him.]
But I think it's okay if I don't know. This just means I can still find it.
[He has a few ideas on what would be a good start, but it's hard to out into words...
He can't really pretend that he's unmoved by the idea of a future with Shalem, though, his desire to lash out and ruin this thing between them getting smothered (2...).]
Take your time, Haruka. Happiness is not something so easily obtained, even if you chase it.
And just like it, the future is so rarely clear to see. [Which means, he agrees... and Haruka may just be able to hear his uncertainty too. He's always seemed so sure of himself, but he knows that he can't divine the future. Nor can he dictate it like the Playwright. He is just one man, without any power.
Not to mention, there's the question of his lifespan. He's going to have to do his best, though.]
But share your answer with me when you do find it, hm? [A plea, a negotiation, a request for a promise, and more. He would just like the truth out of Haruka, and the certainty that there is a future for them rather than both going their separate ways (18).] And I shall see about making it come true.
[Shalem sounded uncertain is oddly comforting—if someone so sure of themselves can feel just as unsure about the future as he can, there's really no point agonizing over not having an answer. They're not that different, at least where it matters.]
Of course.
[When Haruka smiles at him, he looks more like Haruka, his golden eyes warm and loving instead of unnaturally sharp and cruel.]
Maybe you'll be a part of the answer so you won't have too much work to do.
[Ah. They're getting somewhere-- and he's feeling brave. Shalem raises both hands and places them on Haruka's cheeks. And squishes them lightly.]
I think you have it the other way around. If I were to be part of the answer, I would have a lot of work to do in order to fulfill it. [Then he closes his eyes and leans against Haruka.] I wouldn't be here if I was adverse to putting in effort.
[Haruka is so high-maintenance... but he doesn't mind, honestly. Theatre kids are always like that.]
[Shalem is not even going to hide how much that affects him. His pulse picks up, and he smiles widely. He tries to lie down on the floor with Haruka, almost feeling boneless.]
I hope, in the event you can say it again, you'll attach my preferred name to it. The name I introduced myself as during my performance.
[Shalem's smile is tempered somewhat when he hears that, as he idly draws his thumb over Haruka's lower lip. Lying down like this, he's starting to feel tired, especially with everything he's sustained in the fight.]
I wouldn't presume I can bully you into anything. [Because they really both know it's easy for him.]
[Haruka's eyes slide closed, and he just... enjoys the moment. He's tired and in pain, but...
He casts a quick Diarahan on Shalem, because the old man is definitely worse off than he is.]
Mhmm, and you'd never even think to try bullying me.
[...]
I really do like you a lot, you know. As myself, and as you are. If you're just stringing me along I'll kick your ass, because I want to see you after this. This whole divine conflict thing, I mean.
[Shalem's smile widens again, even if Haruka can't see it. But he can certainly tuck Haruka more securely against himself. He's warm-- it must be the fire element in both of them.]
I'll endeavour not to die before that happens. As a matter of fact... I shall do my best to preserve my life for as long as possible, so you can have the most out of it. You'll not be getting rid of me so easily.
[Can't believe he's stuck with a snake guy for the rest of his life...
Though what he says has him wondering, and he presses his lips together... but thinking about cures will take a backseat to the rest of what he's said.]
Yes. [They did talk about their potential lives after this once before... but that was well before this place, and before Haruka showed that he was, in fact, Shalem's type.]
I could have returned to Terra and handed in my resignation to become a wanderer, but this is much better, don't you think?
Of course, my grasp of your language is flimsy, but I can learn.
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no subject
If there's no protagonist in the story, then that's what you're missing, isn't it? Stories need someone to follow.
no subject
In that little paradise, everyone saw me as someone I was not-- the immersion was broken because of that. It set my teeth on edge, the way even a fantasy cannot accommodate who I am now.
I was missing... someone who knows me as me, and accepts me for who I am. [Then he tilts his head as he looks at Haruka.] Who do you think that is? I'm sure you need no hints.
no subject
He rests his head against his shoulder.]
Maybe accepting someone else is a good start to accepting yourself.
[He knows the answer, even if it's hard to accept that it could be him. But... maybe it is. Maybe being himself is all he ever needed to be, even if he's not always good or perfect.]
Tragedies aren't my fave, though. I'd rather join you for something more exciting.
no subject
He wraps his arm around Haruka's shoulders, rubbing circles with his thumb.]
What would make you happy?
[He's not asking about what sort of story Haruka wants. He's asking for so, so much more than that.]
no subject
...I don't know.
[He's been asked, before, if he had plans for the future beyond ŹOOĻ, and he had been unable to answer. He had been so obsessed with his own hurt he couldn't see that far ahead, and even now he doesn't know what he wants for himself.
Neither the Shadow or Haruka himself really have an answer, but it feels more like the answer is coming from the real, whole Haruka than all of his pain and selfishness answering for him.]
But I think it's okay if I don't know. This just means I can still find it.
[He has a few ideas on what would be a good start, but it's hard to out into words...
He can't really pretend that he's unmoved by the idea of a future with Shalem, though, his desire to lash out and ruin this thing between them getting smothered (2...).]
no subject
And just like it, the future is so rarely clear to see. [Which means, he agrees... and Haruka may just be able to hear his uncertainty too. He's always seemed so sure of himself, but he knows that he can't divine the future. Nor can he dictate it like the Playwright. He is just one man, without any power.
Not to mention, there's the question of his lifespan. He's going to have to do his best, though.]
But share your answer with me when you do find it, hm? [A plea, a negotiation, a request for a promise, and more. He would just like the truth out of Haruka, and the certainty that there is a future for them rather than both going their separate ways (18).] And I shall see about making it come true.
no subject
Of course.
[When Haruka smiles at him, he looks more like Haruka, his golden eyes warm and loving instead of unnaturally sharp and cruel.]
Maybe you'll be a part of the answer so you won't have too much work to do.
no subject
I think you have it the other way around. If I were to be part of the answer, I would have a lot of work to do in order to fulfill it. [Then he closes his eyes and leans against Haruka.] I wouldn't be here if I was adverse to putting in effort.
[Haruka is so high-maintenance... but he doesn't mind, honestly. Theatre kids are always like that.]
no subject
I'm not that difficult.
[Okay, maybe he is, but still! Shalem's missing the point!]
I like you the way you are, anyways. You don't have to do much more than just... stay with me. Don't throw me away.
[Which feels like such an impossible ask, but... he has simple wants and needs. He just doesn't want to be left behind.]
no subject
I'm not in the business of discarding people... much less those I love.
[Oh look! The L word! Hopefully Haruka appreciates how much courage it took to say it.]
no subject
Oh.]
This isn't fair.
[His cheeks puff out in a pout, and his eyes are stinging.]
You can't say things like that and look so cool doing it. It'll just make me saying "I love you" super lame.
[He's not even going to try to stop himself from crying, even if he'll feel embarrassed about it later.]
no subject
Shalem gathers him up in his arms.]
What is this, a competition? Come now, Haruka. [There there, pats on his back.] You can tell me this any time.
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It is now.
[Because he says so!! But he sniffles, just letting himself be embraced for a moment.]
...I [aaaaaaAAAA] love you too, idiot.
no subject
I hope, in the event you can say it again, you'll attach my preferred name to it. The name I introduced myself as during my performance.
no subject
Okay, Abyss. I'll keep that in mind for next time.
[He'll let himself get dragged down, even if the walls of the palace creak a bit. They won't be able to stand for much longer...]
I won't say it now, because then you might start thinking you can bully me into anything.
[He's teasing, though.
And they both know he really could bully Haruka into anything, so there's no reason to try saving space.]
no subject
I wouldn't presume I can bully you into anything. [Because they really both know it's easy for him.]
no subject
He casts a quick Diarahan on Shalem, because the old man is definitely worse off than he is.]
Mhmm, and you'd never even think to try bullying me.
[...]
I really do like you a lot, you know. As myself, and as you are. If you're just stringing me along I'll kick your ass, because I want to see you after this. This whole divine conflict thing, I mean.
no subject
I'll endeavour not to die before that happens. As a matter of fact... I shall do my best to preserve my life for as long as possible, so you can have the most out of it. You'll not be getting rid of me so easily.
[Hint hint for what he's planning.]
no subject
Though what he says has him wondering, and he presses his lips together... but thinking about cures will take a backseat to the rest of what he's said.]
...You want to come back with me? To Japan?
no subject
I could have returned to Terra and handed in my resignation to become a wanderer, but this is much better, don't you think?
Of course, my grasp of your language is flimsy, but I can learn.