linkingup | shawarma time

shawarma time

[ some time after Atem's palace when everyone has had the time to get back from braphine's temple, and more importantly get that sand out of your everything (and enjoy NOT 40 degree Celsius weather)

everyone who was in Atem's palace will find themselves suddenly added to a group chat by joshua and he just sends a singular address

it's the address to a shawarma place that somehow magically has a big enough table to fit 14 people. amazing. we love fluid locations like this.

post palace dinner, y'all know the drill ]

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[Ok, Jesse doesn't fully know where to even start with some of the insanity that was that Palace, but hell if he doesn't think food will help at least a little bit. And hey, it's good!]

I gotta find the dude who came up with shawarma and I dunno, buy him a cold beer, because this is seriously hittin' the spot right now. Am I right?

[Everybody is clearly still reeling from the horrors, including Jesse, so he feels a bit awkward.]

[The air in this place is delicious and tense simultaneously.]

Hey... Jesse... I wanted to apologize for what I did... I know it doesn't fix anything, but... I am truly, deeply sorry for subjecting you to that.

[Jesse waves off the apology; even if he was legitimately unsettled, he doesn't want to let other people know.]

Oh. Yeah, don't sweat it, ain't nothin' I haven't seen before.

[He pauses.]

Okay, skeleton Pharaoh? Never seen that one. That was twisted. But hey, we all do weird shit under the influence, yeah?

That's... one way of putting it, yes.

[Uh.]

You know it takes real balls to push forward despite your circumstances. But it also takes balls to recognize what happened was upsetting, and that you might be hurting. If there's anything I learned today... it's that we shouldn't have to go it alone.

We can rely on others.

I might not be the best one to talk about what you've went through... I'll try anyway. We're friends now, aren't we?

I mean, it did straight-up suck. It's just––

[Jesse looks down, considering before speaking to Atem a bit softer in hopes that other people will be too focused on shawarma bonding to hear him.]

A lot of the kids, I like...don't wanna put the shit I've done in their heads. Like, you and Soujuurou've seen some rougher shit than I have, I guess. But Aubrey and Mafu have had it mad tough as is.

[He also, selfishly, doesn't know if he wants them to realize quite how bad a person he is.]

[He crosses his arms in thought.]

Would hiding it help you? Aubrey and Mafuyu are smart, and I think it'd hurt more if you kept the truth away from them. They'll eventually figure out you're not being entirely honest. I'm not saying you have to go into any details...

But part of this Nekyia nonsense started because we're not being upfront with each other.

So don't try to deny the ugliest parts of yourself.

[Or you, too, will become Pharaoh Jigsaw the Skeleton Bitch.]

Or Soujuurou will have to come and punch your Shadow.

...mountain man does pack a mean punch.

[Jesse gives a light chuckle at that.]

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not the good guy in like, life in general. Anybody back home could tell you that.

[Maybe it's because he's not at home, with all his vices and the violence that comes from them, that people have assumed he's a better person than he really is.]

Here might just be, I don't know, first time in a while I've done something for other people that didn't screw 'em up somehow.

I see...

[He rubs at his wrist as he thinks.]

I wish I could help you more. You're a lot like a friend of mine from back home... He was a former gang member... You two would get along I think, and I'm sure he'd know exactly what to say to you, too.

[He realizes how much misses Jounouchi.]

If you like it here, and if you like helping others... You could stay here. Start your life over. Yes, you'd still know about your past... and anyone you ever feel comfortable enough to tell... But maybe you need that? So you can stay on the right path.

I've already suggested something similar to Mafuyu.

Huh. That ain't actually too far off? Well, maybe. I dunno how your friend got mixed up in that kinda thing.

[Jesse considers. Huh, he hadn't realized that staying was an option. What does he really have to go back to when he gets down to it? Yeah, there's still some life or death stuff here, but Jesse has thought so much less about it when he's been away from the need to sell meth and the triggers threatening his sobriety that he almost started to feel like a regular person. He could start over, couldn't he?]

...there's a guy I work with back home. He's a dick, but like, he stuck his neck out for me last I saw him. I'd be a coward leaving him to deal with those guys on his own.

It is pretty filling. And it’s got the meat and vegetables together.

[ soujuurou is happily (?) munching on his shawarma, nodding along with jesse’s statement. ]

Where do they get such a large chicken though…?

[ he’s talking about the chicken in the rotisserie. ]

[Jesse stares down the rotisserie chicken, considering.]

Probably from a farm where they raise big-ass chickens.

[He munches his shawarma.]

For real though, Soujuurou? Thanks. For like...back in the temple. Saved my bacon there.

Like, my bacon as in me. I ain't got real bacon.

Oh... I mean, I think I got more lucky than anything. But you're welcome.

[ he nods. ]

You said you saw dead people in yours?

Yeah, uh...like, people I knew. Sorta. Knew of most of em, but then...

[Jesse sighs.]

It's crazy dark, man. You know how I said I was a bad guy? That's why.

I know you said it but...

[ he tilts his head to the side, eyeing jesse again. ]

You've helped me and the others out so many times. I just can't accept that.

[Man, how did other people manage to get such a high opinion of him? Jesse is so used to being seen as an idiotic slacker at best and a pathetic junkie at worst that he doesn't really know what he did differently here to change that.]

Most of the people I saw? They came from this plane crash that happened right over town a few months ago. I knew the guy who was supposed to monitor the air traffic. Well, not like super well, but... [Jesse looks straight ahead solemnly.] He was my girlfriend's dad. She'd... [His voice breaks for a moment, after all this time, still not able to say out loud that Jane died.] If she'd still been around, maybe he wouldn't have been too fucked up to do his job right. And if I weren't dragging her down with me, she might still be around?

[ soujuurou doesn't need to be explicitly told that she's dead for him to understand. he observes jesse closely, humming as he processes the information.

he has a vague idea about what a plane is, but not entirely. still, he can infer from context that this crash could not have been anything but horrible. ]

So you blame yourself for the deaths of the people in the plane because your girlfriend died?

[Jesse scrunches his nose in thought, because when Soujuurou puts it like that, the idea sounds kind of stupid. The guy's got a way of phrasing things that seems to disarm Jesse easily.]

Kinda? Like, obviously I never blew anybody outta the sky, but––my girlfriend's dead because of me.

Not on purpose, but...ain't matter much when she's still dead.

Mm, maybe.

[ soujuurou frowns, and the further he thinks about it, the more that his expression darkens with worry. ]

I don't know. It's complicated isn't it? At what point do the deaths stop being your fault? Everything's related in some sort of way. If her death caused her dad to mess up and lead to the plane crash... then is everything bad that happens because of that plane crash also your fault?

[ ... ]

What a horrible amount of weight you're carrying on your shoulders. That must be horrible for you, Jesse. It must be painful.

I don't know, it...yeah, it's complicated as all hell, man.

[He's responsible for Jane's death and partly for the crash is the main thing he knows.

Jesse looks incredibly sad when Soujuurou shows him sympathy, because he wouldn't be able to say he deserves the most sympathy. He was going to sell meth to a single mom in a support group before realizing she had a kid. His fuck-ups got his friend and his girlfriend killed. And yet, he can't fully bring himself to tell Soujuurou about all of it right now.]

And it hurts.

[The most he can manage is admitting that it's painful to carry.]

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