NETWORK @MANSLAYER

[goei]

[This post goes up pretty late on Wednesday night;]

this whole thing don't make any goddamn sense
'M good at fightin' an all but it's not like there ain't touchy feely types who can't also handle a fight
You got that damn prettyboy knight who looks like he aughta smell like roses
an' that golden guy who's all concerned 'bout people communicatin'
Even maid-san could probably make friends if she tried an' she sure's hell can fight
Prob'ly plenty others who can do both

So why me?
I ain't suited fer makin' friends
'M just a killer

They should've picked someone like Ryoma
Ryoma's always the one gettin' picked anyway
No one wants Okada Izou
S'that why I never get used right?

Comments

[fullmoonmutt]

[ Eli leans away at an angle that makes getting at his eyes difficult right before enacting his revenge... which is him, making a fist, and rubbing his knuckles super hard into the top of Izou's scalp. This, noble spirit, is called a noogie. ]

Maybe if you weren't a useless lush you'd have heard me coming, huh?!

[goei]

[GOD THEY HAVE REALLY REACHED NEW HEIGHTS OF CHILDISHNESS TONIGHT]

Augh!!
[SWATTING INEFFECTIVELY!! STOP THIS!!]

Take that back! I ain't useless!!

[fullmoonmutt]

Useless, stupid, and drunk!

[ NOOGIE NOOGIE NOOGIE NOOGIE but he'll let Izou free of the headlock after he gets bored of the tactic. There's only so much one can noogie. ]

Why are you even drinking alone like a sad sack? That's just depressing.

[goei]

[Once he's released, Izou gets to his feet as fast and uncoordinatedly as possible, almost falling over in the process.]

I ain't! I ain't useless! 'M a sword genius 'n there ain't nobody that can beat me!!
[He's... actually getting worked up but not in an angry way? Oops.]

m'not useless! I'm strong! 'M... 'm not weak... 'm not gonna get thrown away again!
[He's crying.]

[fullmoonmutt]

[ what

No, seriously. What? Eli is shocked into silence once he realizes Izou is actually crying real fucking tears. Shit. Crap. He's almost certain his mom is going to materialize out of thin air and shame him for causing someone to cry any second now, dear god in motherfucking heaven. ]

Wh-whoa, hey, I was. Like damn, dude, I didn't know you were a weepy drunk.

[goei]

[The fact that his hypothetical mother would shame him for making someone cry but not for trying to kill them is hysterical to me.

Izou sniffs. Tries to compose himself now that his sensitive spot isn't being attacked.]

'M not... not a [indiscernible mumbling]

Hand me m'sword so I can kick yer ass.
[He is barely square on his feet right now. That said his sword is sitting next to the bean bag Eli accosted him on.]

[fullmoonmutt]

[ Look, Eli lives in a rough world. Sometimes you have to kill a shithead, but you don't usually make them cry like this, holy crap. ]

Fuck no. You'll just end up falling over and stabbing yourself if I do. Sit your ass back down, I'm getting you some fucking water.

[goei]

Like hell I would! I can still fight like this!

[He makes to go grab it himself, but loses his balance and falls over onto the beanbag at which point he just seems to give up and lie there, face pressed into the fabric, defeated.]

[fullmoonmutt]

[ Ffffffffdon't laugh don't laugh don't laugh. It takes an epic amount of willpower, but he does manage to turn and march off to the kitchen before letting out a stifled guffaw. That sure was... something?

But yeah, yeah, he said he'd get some water, so he grabs a glass and fills it before heading back. ]

Sit up, manslayer. I got you something.

[goei]

[After a moment, Izou pushes up off the beanbag with a groan. If he was more lucid he'd suspect Eli of trying to poison him but in his current state he just takes the glass and drinks.]

Why're ya helpin' me now?

[fullmoonmutt]

[ Ughhh, why did he have to ask? Eli turns his head to look away and lets out a huff. ]

It's no fun to pick a fight with someone who can't fight back. Come after me when you're sober again.

[goei]

[Tsundere on tsundere violence.]

That explains why you ain't tryin' ta pummel me but it don't explain helpin'.

[This isn't neutral this is positive. Explain yourself!!]

[fullmoonmutt]

What, you got a problem with me helping you? Get over it. I'm not a heartless bastard, c'mon.

[ That should be enough of an explanation!!! ]

[goei]

Well you got all pissed at me fer tellin' you not ta die. Figured you were that kinda guy... sees everything in black 'n white.

[No mercy for enemies.]

[fullmoonmutt]

[ Sees everything in... what... ]

Dude, I'm not actually a dog. I can see colors. [ Eli. No. There's a pause. His brain catches up to his mouth a few seconds later. Wait. ] Or did you mean... like... morality wise...?

[goei]

Dogs don't see colors??

[fullmoonmutt]

[ Oh, sure, don't answer the question. ]

Yeah? Pretty sure they only see, uh, mono... tone... in greys?

[ Eli is likely incorrect. He is not a highly trained animaltologist. ]

[goei]

Damn...
[Rough to be a dog then. But wait, Eli asked an actual question didn't he? What was it again?]

But yeahI didn't mean like that. The other thing ya said.

[fullmoonmutt]

Oh...

[ Right. ]

Tch. Life's too crazy to see everything in just one way or another, so I don't know. It's like. How can you know what kind of guy I am when I don't even know, huh?

[goei]

Ya don't know what kinda guy y'are? That's th' biggest proof yer jus'some punk kid so far.

[Self actualize already, shrimp.]

[fullmoonmutt]

Christ, you're annoying even when you're drunk... You think I don't know that?

[ He doesn't need to self-actualize, really. ]

And it's all I'm ever going to be, so shut the fuck up and come on.

[ He could leave Izou here in his bean bag chair, but, really, that'd be doing no one any favors. He takes the empty glass to set aside and then tries to manhandle Izou up to his feet. ]

Which room is yours? I'm making you your roommate's problem now.

[goei]

Th'hell's that supposed ta mean? You got plenty of time t'figure yerself out...

[In any case.]

I sleep here. They assigned me ta a room with a teenage girl! I may be a bastard but I ain't gonna make a polite little lady like her uncof- umcomf- y'know.

[fullmoonmutt]

...how the hell did you get assigned a room with a girl? Ugh. Great.

[ He'll stop, thinking about what else to do. Uh. Um. Crap. ]

I guess we could. There's got to be an empty room? Or. Why the hell didn't you ask people for a trade?

[ Look at how he doesn't explain the previous statement when questioned? Because he's skipping right over it. Yep. ]

[goei]

[Izou is too drunk to notice the dodge but he will maybe remember to bring it up later. Maybe.]

Dunno. 'Cause sleepin' on these big cushion things's still way better than the worst places I've had ta sleep. I don't need help.

[fullmoonmutt]

Look, I've slept in a lot of shit places, too, but you can't camp out where folks are gonna be tripping over you every morning and night.

[ Okey dokey, hup he goes, slinging one arm across Eli's shoulders and all. ]

Let's find an empty room.