linkingup | mid-week 11; un: monday

mid-week 11; un: monday

[ With the regression of the city, working at Sunset Theater has quickly become less enjoyable than it used to be. Though the cast remembers the rapport McGillis had built with them, even if they're more standoffish now. And it's not as though McGillis had placed much stock in his interpersonal relationships to the random citizens, but... the shift in atmosphere serves as a tangible reminder. That this is temporary. That this world is susceptible to insane levels of mind manipulation. That he wants to leave.

Leave and... do what? That's the question that has haunted McGillis for weeks now, and the countdown is mercilessly continuing. Soon Braphine will release them from her hold, one way or another. Soon, he'll have to know. And so will everyone else. ]

Just a little over two weeks until we're free from this, if Braphine really keeps her word and the God of Conflict doesn't swallow up all her power. Until then we'll doubtlessly face a number of additional challenges and hassles, but while we're still in the quiet before the storm...

Are you going home to your own worlds after this? Or will you take Braphine up on her offer and come along with one of your 'bonds'? What is your world like? What is making you return? What is making you abandon it?

And if you're like me and cannot return to where you came from no matter what, maybe the answers can give you some perspective.

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[He doesn't mind the continued quiet. It lets the moment stretch on longer. Here, where so many important things have happened for them, finally with their silly little roof couch. It's comfortable. Warm.

Nothing can last forever, though.]

If we can't go between worlds, then we'll make a decision.

[Presented like it's just that simple, even if he knows it isn't.]

I... want to leave it at that, but we shouldn't. If we make our decision now...

[Then there will be time to simply be. To enjoy what's left here.

And that doesn't mean they can't - or won't - make stupid snap decisions later.]

[ If only they could leave it at that... This isn't something to leave to the last-second decision, though, is it? ]

My world... doesn't have a whole lot to offer except me. There aren't any circuses or even places for shows and entertainment. Everyone's focused on rebuilding or just surviving. Vampires are part of the RH population, but they aren't treated a whole lot better than I am.

[It isn't. Even if they'd like to. Even if the decision is changed and made last-minute anyway.]

You say that like you wouldn't be reason enough.

[But he does have a point, even if he hasn't said it. There's the risk that going to Eli's world - one of hardship, one where they aren't at a point he could actively participate in his passions except on his own time. There's the risk of resentment there, with time, if the decision isn't made carefully.]

And my world isn't so different from this one. It's established, and comfortable. You wouldn't want for anything material. But we would be living in the shadows. People who know what we are would look at us strangely for being together, other werewolves wouldn't accept you because you're different, if humans find out what we are, there's the risk of hunters showing up on our doorstep. That... sounds worse than it is, truly. I would be there with you, obviously... but your mom wouldn't.

I mean, as much as we want to believe in true love and all that crap, we have to be realistic, right? I don't want you to be miserable because I love you, Celeste, and I don't want you to sacrifice your happiness...

[ There was a whole wild shadow ride about this, Celeste. ]

I don't give a crap about other people. Werewolves, hunters, whatever. I... did say I'd stay with you, right? Even if it meant staying with you as a Shadow... I wasn't making that up...

[ But vanishing without even letting his mom know what happened? She'd think he was dead. Could he live with that? In the end? ]

[There sure was a whole wild shadow ride about this.

And Eli also said he'd stay with him, even as a Shadow, so... that consideration does go both ways.]

We do. And I won't have you sacrifice your happiness, either.

[And if living with guilt would taint any comfort they had...]

Back then, I would have gladly dragged you down into darkness with me. Now... I want to stay with you, wherever that takes us... but I also want to give you the world, however I can.

...soooo, we both want the same thing.

[ That leaves them exactly where they were before! Nowhere! ]

How do we decide where we're going, then? I don't want you to be miserable, you don't want me to be miserable; how do we figure it out?

[That is at least half of why the conversation is difficult, lbr.]

...Would it be worse to say there's also the option of going to neither of our worlds?

[It could dodge any resentment from "you got to go home and I didn't" but it also opens up so many more options to consider.]

That's... well, sure, that's true. We could go to someone else's world instead, but then neither of us would get to see our homes again. Won't that be upsetting in a different way?

And how would be pick? We go with Izou and McGillis? Or do we go with... like... Mafuyu and Arven?

Mmhm, but we wouldn't be upset at one another for being home, no?

[There's really no perfect answer here.]

If we go with Izou and McGillis, I would like to... surprise them, with that choice. [He is still a menace, not even all that deep down.] But I also feel Mafuyu and Arven wouldn't mind us, either.

[Putting that one lightly.]

That's... true... I'd still want to let my mom know I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere... or in a demon's belly...

[ Not to mention how difficult it would be to shake the feeling of giving up. Leaving instead of fighting for his world. Is it really okay? To just leave like that? ]

But we don't even know if that'll be possible. Mm. I bet McGillis wouldn't be surprised at all. Izou would shit himself. Though Arven's kinda like a little brother to me at this point? And I know you see Mafuyu as a daughter...

Mmhm. She deserves to know you're safe, at least.

[The struggle with leaving isn't something Celeste can relate to - but it's not something he'll diminish, either. He suspects a great many people from Eli's world would skip out if they could... but that might just make the feeling worse. Not to mention those who would be upset at him taking the chance.

It's tricky. It hurts he can't offer help with it.]

That's a bond, too. The least Braphine can do is help you to send a letter, if you decide to not go home. Aah, I'll get him one of these days. [He's not entirely sure what it'll take, but he's determined.]

I do... and they'll be living on their own. I cannot help but worry about them, even if I know they'll be fine, you know?

...and I already have problems not being able to fuck off to some wilderness back home. Wouldn't picking to be stuck at the Chaldea just be picking a new cage over the old one? Then there's my lycanthropy... if my suppressor breaks... or I lose my shit and attack people in Arven's world...

[ It does, unfortunately, beg the question of if Eli even should try leaving his old world behind. ]

Shit, Celeste, what if it's a bad idea for me even to try going elsewhere? Even your world isn't going to have a cure for what I got. If I attack someone and spread it, then it's over.

[All those worries... he wishes he could put them to rest, truly, but... he can't. Getting stuck at the Chaldea would be picking a new cage. Losing or breaking his suppressor would be a problem, no matter the world they're in. Attacking anyone anywhere would be a disaster, and much as he could say it isn't his fault... would that be true, entirely?

...Is it even a good idea to bring this next part up?]

My world isn't going to have a cure for you... yet. Your version of lycanthropy is... more like a curse than the one that exists in my world, to my understanding. But if it is more like a curse... There are people who spend their whole lives, and then their unlives besides, studying those. If there's any world that could have a cure for you... but finding it may not be pleasant.

[Eli would fight gods for him. He'd barter with whatever Chantry or Court or Tribe or Council who would see him for Eli, if need be.]

But... no matter where we are, your world or mine or anyone else's... I'll still hold to what I promised you here. I won't let you hurt anyone else. Just like I know you won't let me lose it and hurt someone.

[ Only if it was cured, how would he protect Celeste? Especially in a world full of other werewolves and vampires... Eli lets out a sigh and leans heavily against Celeste. ]

I hate having to think through complicated shit.

[ Which is precisely what this is. ]

All we know is we want to be together, no matter where we end up. Why does the rest have to be hard? Then there's the whole "what do we do when I start getting old" thing we gotta think about.

Mmhm... We can hope it won't be an issue in the end, but...

[Usually, the complicated shit he has to deal with doesn't involve him so... directly. He can figure things out, can act coy when others are still struggling... and it's like a little game.

This? Not so much.]

...I could turn you. Or if we have access to my world, ask someone else with a clan more suited to you to do it.

[That... might be risky, if he's still a werewolf, but in the hypothetical future where he's cured? He'd make a good gangrel or brujah, he thinks.]

[ He wants to hope it won't be an issue, but deep down, he's preparing to settle for what seems best. Celeste's world... or Arven's... Both would have the potential that his world or Izou's Chaldea wouldn't, even if they didn't have his mom.

The topic has moved on, though. It's almost a relief. The thought of becoming a vampire probably shouldn't be that, and yet! ]

I have thought about that, actually. I'm alive, so I figure it'd work even if I'm still a werewolf. Does a clan really matter that much?

Edited 2024-10-24 19:36 (UTC)

[He shouldn't have to settle, but... well Celeste, too, is prepared to settle for the best option, if they have to choose.

But the topic has moved on, and it's actually enough of a surprise that Eli's thought about it that Celeste straightens up a bit to really look at him before deciding that he'd rather stay nestled in close, actually, and settles back in.]

Mm... being a werewolf might cause something to go strangely in the embrace, but... if anything you'd make a new bloodline with its own quirks to figure out. And I'd be disowned by my own clan for saying so, but... it doesn't really matter much, no. There are different advantages and drawbacks to each, of course, but that's only worth thinking about should you decide to go through with it.

Well, if it doesn't matter, I may as well be the same as you.

[ But Celeste is right. It matters less until he actually decides to go through with it. He does let out a large, quiet sigh, however, big enough to be felt shoulder to shoulder as they are. ]

I'll definitely miss eating food, though...

...Oh. I won't mind if you end up changing your mind, but...

[He just said it didn't matter, but he's still flattered. He'll just have to make sure Eli sits in on the "What are the pros and cons of every option" meeting if McGillis decides to go through with it, too.

...And will have to put Gangrel and Brujah second and third.

The sigh sure is felt, though, and he nuzzles against Eli's hair in response.]

You could get lucky. Some can still eat food.

Ha, maybe being a hungry, hungry werewolf will make a bloodline that lets me eat whatever I want.

[ He can hope and dream! But he says it mostly in jest. There's a chance, but only a chance, which isn't happening anytime soon. That aside, as Celeste nuzzles into his hair, he'll turn his face to bury it against Celeste's shoulder in turn. This muffles his words against the fabric of the vampire's shirt, but not too much. ]

But even if I don't, all I care is that it means I won't get old and die and leave you all alone, you know?

One can only hope~

[Even if it's not a wild new bloodline, maybe he'd just be blessed with the "Eat Food" merit. That would be nice. Then he wouldn't feel terrible about depriving Eli of all the fun treats the world - whatever world they may end up in - has to offer.

But then conversation shifts again, somewhat, and he's given pause.

He knows what Eli could be sacrificing. He knows what he would be sacrificing. And still he makes decisions like that like they're nothing.

So he takes full advantage of his face already being buried against his shoulder to shift himself, to wrap arms around him and hold tight, keeping him there in no small part so he can't see the pathetic, sappy mix of emotions on his face.]

Here I thought you'd have trouble topping the apple gift.

[This makes that look like it was nothing.]

But your life? Your eternity? You should have warned me you were a romantic.

[If you hear a slight waver in his voice, no you don't. He's keeping it together this time.]

[ Part of it is that Eli rarely sits long to think through every little decision. To him, some are simple. Deciding where to go together is difficult, but deciding to stay with the person he loves? That isn't. It should be a given, right?

There's plenty else to consider when making that decision. He likes to think he can worry about those later. Adding those concerns to the most apparent one... their final home, whether they can jump between worlds or have to pick a single one... That's a little too much for Eli.

He still thinks the apples were better. ]

I mean, it just makes sense, right? [ Even with Celeste holding him tightly, he can still move his head enough to look up at him. ] You've already lost a lot of people. Doesn't seem fair to say I love you and then be another you have to lose.

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mid-week 11; un: monday

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