[He finishes shooting before facing Atem. Practically looming over him with their immense height difference.]
Do you think what I did back then was living? I kept myself shut indoors all day solely to avoid a single man. I controlled myself so much that I had stress nightmares of doing what I truly wanted to do. [Which doesn't take a genius to figure out, really.]
I am nearly at the end of my life, and I would have lived that way for the rest of it, forever a sad coward, never knowing freedom and joy.
What friends? [No, he's genuinely asking. What friends does he have? Here, he made none. In Rhodes Island, he made none.
Shalem places his hands on his knees so he can look Atem in the eye better.]
I wonder if you ever thought if there was a reason why I held myself away from everyone else, including you. Why I spurned all outings, even before you forced me to make a change. I kept it all bottled up inside and made sure barely anyone saw me, and it kept spilling forth in battle anyway. But I always thought it was better, because no one knows what I could have done. I could have killed anyone in one of my... episodes.
[Because that's what happens when you hold everything inside. When you're a kettle that hasn't been removed from the fire.]
Bit egotistic, isn't it, to think that you could have fixed me? Definitely egotistic to think you can talk me out of my happiness now.
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He isn't weak--- and you weren't weak, either. No matter what you say.
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But I really don't need them, when I've been freed from everything keeping me from actually living.
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[He snaps from his seat, tense and angry.]
Shin isn't weak! And fear does not make you a coward--- it's acting upon your darkest impulses! It takes courage and strength not to hurt others!
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Do you think what I did back then was living? I kept myself shut indoors all day solely to avoid a single man. I controlled myself so much that I had stress nightmares of doing what I truly wanted to do. [Which doesn't take a genius to figure out, really.]
I am nearly at the end of my life, and I would have lived that way for the rest of it, forever a sad coward, never knowing freedom and joy.
That is your ideal for me?
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But there are other ways to live! I would have done anything to help you then if you had told me from the start what your life was like...!
[But instead...]
... I am so sorry... That I did this to you, Shalem...
And I know nothing could cure your disease...
But with your friends, with people who love you, they would have helped you face the darkness! So you wouldn't be so sad and alone!
We could have walked in the light together!
This is insanity..! You are more than your past, Shalem! More than a bloodthirsty murderer!
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Shalem places his hands on his knees so he can look Atem in the eye better.]
I wonder if you ever thought if there was a reason why I held myself away from everyone else, including you. Why I spurned all outings, even before you forced me to make a change. I kept it all bottled up inside and made sure barely anyone saw me, and it kept spilling forth in battle anyway. But I always thought it was better, because no one knows what I could have done. I could have killed anyone in one of my... episodes.
[Because that's what happens when you hold everything inside. When you're a kettle that hasn't been removed from the fire.]
Bit egotistic, isn't it, to think that you could have fixed me? Definitely egotistic to think you can talk me out of my happiness now.